Siddhartha by the River: On Rivers, Losing Faith, and Enlightenment

Originally published at https://www.splicetoday.com under the title “The God Delusion.” The original last paragraph has been restored for this version.

We stood together on the shore of the lake, feeling the cool water drag our feet deeper into the sand with each ebb and flow, listening. Back then I believed that if I paid enough attention, I could be like Siddhartha and hear the water chant the sacred word Om. That one word, sung by 1000 voices throughout time, would wash away all doubt and reveal the universe embodied by God. Instead, I heard nothing. Maybe I just need to listen better, as Vasudeva the ferryman instructed. Still nothing. No voice of God. No Om. Just the sounds of waves lapping, birds chirping, and everyone else at the church picnic laughing in the distance.

Jennifer and her parents often sat next to me during Sunday morning service. I never got to know them well, but they all seemed nice. Jennifer was so comfortable with herself; she’d slip her shoes off during worship, either to symbolize standing exposed before the Lord or just that she hated shoes. When I saw her on the shore that day, I joined alongside her, both of us in total silence. I rudely interrupted the silence by telling her about all the questions running through my mind: did God create this lake, or was it the Big Bang…