The Hill I’m Willing to Die On–A Response to Current Controversy

This weekend was rough for all of us. Friday’s Trump inauguration ushered a new time of uncertainty and fear for our nation. Yes, Saturday’s Women’s March was a huge success, but in the aftermath the atheist community is in turmoil. Instead of working together to fight the new Trump regime, we’re fighting with each other. The lines have been drawn; you’re part of either the problem or the solution.

I tried to stay away from all of it, but after thinking about it, I can no longer stay silent. Today I’m announcing the hill upon which I am willing to die. I know I will lose a lot of friends with this, but I know what side I’m on:

Pineapple belongs on pizza.

Now I know this isn’t a very popular opinion among the Left nowadays, but let me explain where I’m coming from.

Back in high school I took my then-girlfriend to Ledo’s Pizza for Valentine’s Day. I wanted pepperoni, and she wanted pineapple and ham. I had never heard of such a thing. Of all the things to put on a pizza, why the hell would you pick pineapple? But since it was Valentine’s Day, I decided to give it a try, so we got a half pepperoni and half Hawaiian pizza. I took a bite of that Hawaiian pizza and thought, “HOLY SHIT, WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE?” The sweetness of the pineapple was a perfect match for the saltiness of the ham the same way salt and caramel compliment each other. From that moment on, I was hooked.

Yet nowadays something that shouldn’t be so controversial as a Hawaiian pizza has now triggered an entire generation of Regressive Leftists. I see meme after meme on Facebook from whiny millenials who think anyone who like pineapple on pizza is a Nazi sympathizer. What has our country become? How did we end up with an entire generation of special snowflakes who feel entitled to not have their feelings hurt? Friends, we should be fighting real issues like Islamic terrorism and post-truth America, not legislating what people put on their pizza.

You want authoritarianism? ’Cause that’s how you get authoritarianism!

This post is hard for me to write, but I can no longer stay silent while the Left implodes over pizza toppings. Call me a Pineapple Pizza Warrior all you want, but I don’t care. Grow up. liberals!

LGBTQ News Columnist and Journalist. They/them. Bylines: Splice Today, Rewire, Swell, HuffPost, INTO, etc.